Numbers

Life is all about numbers, even if you don't like math. Here is my story in numbers.

12: the age I first became obsessed with my weight
220: the weight that first made me cry (at 12)
15: the size of jeans I wore until I started college
5.9: the height  I always thought was "perfect"
18: the age I left home for the first time, and the biggest size of jeans most stores carry
2013: the year I got married
263: the heaviest I have ever weighed in at
0: the number of friends that stuck with me after high school
175: my weight senior year
104: the times I chose to wear something baggy so others wouldn't have to look at my rolls


I mention a lot of weight numbers for a reason: even when I was thin at 170 lbs, I still thought I was fat. I still had rolls, my jeans were size 15, my shirt was an xl. None of my thin friends wore clothes that size. It has taken a long time (almost 5 years from the time I graduated high school) to realize numbers are all that I was worried about. Looking back at photos of me from that time, I can't believe how thin my face was! I know better now. Its not that I am any more used to purchasing higher sized clothing or that I have grown comfortable with the numbers, its simply that I recognize there is more to me than the weekly addition and subtraction.

A body is more than its fat content. Now that I'm in a spinning class, I can feel things differently. I can push harder and know that, even if I stumble out of the room, I did it. I have less fear of doing things, period. I am now able to measure my success by what I have accomplished, how I reacted to the situation, how hard I was able to push ...

Of course, it is also a huge help that I understand my body and how it works a lot better than when I was 18. We women are told to eat a little and exercise a lot, stay away from fatty foods, and that chocolate will cause you to break out. Here's a fun little fact: in the past month, I have lost 6 pounds by eatting high-fat foods. Fat is good for us to eat. Our body needs fat to function. And 900 calories a day is borderline starvation.

Quit basing your worth on your dress measurements! That goes for all sizes.